Blanket of Stars
by Mynthia Fae
Summary: How you view things changes from childhood to adulthood, and Remus J Lupin is no exception. His lycanthropy and his life as a child vs his adulthood. AU. response to Elledreamer's "growing up challenge"
1. Monster

A/N: Written for Elledreamer's "Growing Up" Challenge. I wish I could find the original I had started a long while back, but I seem to have lost it even though I liked that one much better. If you recognize it, its not mine. Hope you enjoy. Chapter 2 will be up soon as I get around to doing it (hopefully not too long from now)

* * *

His leg hurt like hell.

_My leg is on fire! _

_It is just one little dog bite. _He grimaced as he had to put his weight on the leg again.

_Ok, one big dog bite. _Again, his thoughts paused as the imaginary fire licked up his leg again with another step.

_Fine, one HUGE dog bite. _He didn't really want to admit to himself that what he had seen had been larger than any wolf he had ever seen, let alone a dog. He refused to admit that it had hardly resembled a dog at all.

He looked down at his now blood-soaked jeans. _What am I going to tell Mother? And father is going to tan my hide for ruining another pair of shoes!_

He gritted his teeth, as he forced the tears not to fall down his cheek with each step he took. Blackness slowly crept into his vision as the pain overwhelmed him and the fire spread through his leg, and moving into his abdomen.

Only a sliver of vision remained when he saw his house, a small cottage in the middle of the woods. As that last bit disappeared into the darkness, the boy passed out.

"Remus!" a familiar voice shrieked, and he could soon feel arms wrapped protectively around him, lifting him from the ground. "John! John, come quick!"

His mother's voice was the last thing he remembered before his thoughts disappeared.

* * *

Remus woke to being poked and prodded. He moaned and pulled away from the fingers that felt as they were hitting fresh bruises.

"Stay still, son." A deep, but gentle voice said. He lifted the boys eyelids and looked into them, before standing and moving to the far side of the room.

Remus notices his parents were standing in the far corner of the room where the man had gone and were now talking in low voices.

_What are they talking about? _Straining to hear them he nearly lost his hold on consciousness. Breathing deeply he held on long enough to hear his mother burst into tears.

"No!" she sobbed over and over into her hands, shaking her head each time she repeated the word. Her husband wrapped his arms around her, patting her back comfortingly.

"The best thing would be to put him down."

_Put me down where?_

Mrs. Lupin immediately stopped crying and looked the doctor square in the eye. "I will _not_ do that to my own son. He is NOT an animal!"

"He will be." It was a grim, point blank statement.

_What? Mother, what does he mean?_ The thoughts never made it to speech as he passed back into the black.

* * *

Two weeks had passed, skipping between black and light. Each day spent in bed with a fever, his mother always complaining that he was too pale and he wasn't eating enough. And each time Remus asked what was wrong, his mother would just reply that he was very ill and she would take care of him.

"Sleep, my son. It will do you good."

_Haven't I slept enough, Mother? I feel like that is all I do. _

And after a few sips of broth, which in his opinion tasted horrible, he fell back to sleep.

* * *

"Where are we going, Momma?" he asked from his mothers arms.

"Downstairs." Her teeth were clenched.

"But it's scary down there," he whined. "There are rats and spiders!"

"It will only be for tonight, Remus." His father's voice was as gruff and his mother's was strained. Remus couldn't understand any of this.

The cellar had been emptied of everything but a small mattress and something that he couldn't quite make out in the far corner. The walls were made of stone, as were the stairs leading out.

His mother unfolded the blankets she had carried down with him, and carefully made the bed, all the while ignoring the looks her husband gave her.

"Now, Remus. You be a good lad, and do as I tell you."

"Have I done something wrong, father?" Remus asked, his voice thin and weak.

"Of course not, son." He tried to laugh, but it came out more of a choked cough.

"Then why must I sleep down here tonight?"

There was a long, tense silence before the man kissed his son's forehead and strode upstairs, his eyes dark and brooding.

"Momma?" Fear was creeping into the boys head.

"Do as your father says, and stay down-" she burst into tears and ran upstairs. Seconds later he heard the cellar door bolt shut.

There was no goodnight. There was no bedtime story of far off places. There was no light.

The boy was afraid. Snuggling deeper into his blankets he found warmth, a small comfort in a time like this. But that did not negate the fact that he was… alone.

He awoke sometime later, unaware that he had fallen asleep. A smell of rust and salt invaded his nostrils as well as the earthy smell of something he couldn't identify that was oddly appealing and yet revolting all at the same time. The _click-click_ of something moving near him was loud and clear, and when he opened his eyes the cellar didn't seem so dark.

He was speechless, looking around without making a sound. The thing he had seen in the far corner was now revealed to be a tethered sheep. Feeling full of energy for the first time in a month, the boy climbed from the covers and made his way over to the animal that was prancing in place. He reached out a hand and the animal screamed in terror, it's eyes wide.

_What's wrong?_

Just then his body was wracked with pain. His back arched as he screamed, feeling as though fire were burning him alive. Bones broke with sickening _cracks_. The young boy fell to the ground, unable to remain upright due to the broken bones in his leg. They began to move, causing more agony, as they reshaped themselves. His scream turned into a howl that mixed with the sheep's cries of terror.

Outside, John led his wife away from the house. The woman chewed on her lower lip as she shot anxious looks over her shoulder. "Listen to him. He needs me John."

"No." Was all he said as he took one last look at the house. With that he pulled his wife farther from their home.

* * *

She knelt next to her little boy, sobs shaking her entire body. He was covered in blood. Not that that said much, the entire cellar seemed to be painted blood red, but that did not matter to the distraught mother.

Her boy lay on the cold cement clad in not but his own hide, and was not breathing. She picked him up and held him against her chest. "I love you, Remus."

"I love you too, Momma," he mumbled into her shoulder. "Why do you cry?"

"Remus John Lupin!" She shrieked at a level that she was sure only dogs would have heard. "Don't you ever scare me like that again!" She smiled and kissed him repeatedly all over his face.

She pulled away and smiled at him. "Oh, Remus. I was so worried about you."

Her smile faded. "JOHN!"

* * *

It was a day that changed his life. His parents explained to him about the Lycanthropy, how he would change every month with the full moon, how there was no cure and he would have to live with it his entire life, and most of all they explained that no matter what happened… they would always love him and his life would be normal.

At first, even though he could vividly remember the painful transformation and he never remembered what happened while he was transformed, he was excited. It was something new, a change in the boring life of living out in the middle of nowhere. He finally had an exciting story to tell his friends. The children thought it was just a good story, something a little boy made up. But as the moon grew closer to being full, he became more aggressive in his play times.

There was one child, a little girl, that Remus was fond of playing with. She often came over when the other children stopped playing with him due to his fits of aggression. He never pushed her, nor tried to bite her in play. He was gentle with her.

"Is it true?" She asked, her bright blue eyes trained on him, following his every movement with awe.

"Is what true?" he didn't raise his eyes from the stick he was sharpening the end of for no particular reason other than it gave him something to do.

"That you're a werewolf."

"Course. Why would I lie about something like that?" he shrugged.

"I don't know." She looked down at her hands causing her golden curls to fall over her shoulder.

Two nights later, there came a rap at the door. He couldn't hear exactly what was being said, for the full moon had come around again and he was once more locked in the cellar awaiting the agonizing transformation, but there was shouting. Concentrating in an effort to hear what was being said, Remus hardly felt the transformation.

The commotion upstairs grew louder, and he howled.

"Listen to him, he is a monster!"

"We shall not suffer him to live!"

His walked slowly up the stairs, not quite understanding the things being said as his consciousness past into animal instincts. Grunts and the sound of the floor creaking echoed in his furry ears. He howled again, feeling the animal inside want to fight.

The bolt on the door was pulled back, and his muscled clenched. Ready to lunge. And when the door opened he did. And he ran. His last thoughts were that of the trees, running, being free, before the animal took over completely.

* * *

_No one will ever be able to accept me. I am a menace to society._

His family had packed up one night and suddenly moved away. Not a soul knew of their new home in a new country with a house much the same as the old one. And one year had passed.

I lay here on the floor in this stupid cellar looking at the same stupid walls with nothing to stupid do… well that didn't make any bloody sense did it? What would mother think if she heard me talking like that? Does it really matter since she can't hear my thoughts? Or can she? She always seems to know what I am going to do before I do it. Like when I wanted to be tied up outside so I could at least see the stars. Not that I remember anything, but thinking about the blanket of stars makes me happy on a level I cannot even fathom. I got side tracked again. When is the bloody moon going to rise so I can get this over with already?

Nine years old, but he felt so much older. He appeared older. "You're eyes look like that of an old man, sometimes, Remus," his mother had said recently.

_Except old men cannot do what I can, can they Mother? Old men cannot lift wagons, or rip children into little-_ he stopped as his thoughts landed on the girl who had been his friend when all else had deserted him. Her sweet smile. Her laugh that reminded him of bells. The smell of her clothes: Jasmine and vanilla.

_I can't believe that I… That I… Oh, Elizabeth._ A single tear escaped as the memories of the morning after his escape hit him. He had woken, naked in the forest covered in blood once again. But this time, the mutilated corpse of a little blond girl lay next to him.

_STOP! Too much. Need to think about something else. _But in truth his mind lingered.

What did everyone want in life? Fame? Fortune? No. In truth everyone wanted the same things in life, whether they knew it or not. To be accepted, to have a family of their own one day, and to live a normal life.

But how normal a life can one lead when their a mutated monster living in some back woods slum, chains tied to arms, legs and neck like the wild animal I am!

* * *

There was a knock on the door. John looked up from his paper. No one knew they were there. John grabbed his knife from the table and slowly opened the door.

Outside was a most curious person with long hair and beard the color of snow that was tucked neatly in his belt. He was dressed in what appeared to John as a long purple dress.

"Can I help you?" he asked wearily.

The older gentleman smiled, his blue eyes glittering. "Mr. John Lupin, I presume? Is Rebecca around as well? And young Remus?"

"What do you want with my family?"

"I am here about Remus. I know of his condition and would like to offer my services to help him."


	2. Acceptance

A/N: Written for Elledreamer's "Growing Up" Challenge. I wish I could find the original I had started a long while back, but I seem to have lost it even though I liked that one much better. If you recognize it, its not mine. Hope you enjoy.

* * *

Remus awoke with a start, his body moist with sweat.

_A monster. The things I had done, I was so out of control. I couldn't keep the wolf at bay. Always hunting._

_Always killing._

_Uncontrollable._

He sighed deeply. Something he had come to grips with long ago. His lycanthropy was an incurable menace in his life. He always had to live around it.

Like tonight. It was the last time he would sleep in his own bed for three nights.

Remus turned himself into the moonlight, something he had always avoided doing. He controlled the impulse to shudder. Night by night for the past year, he had been working on his fear of the moon. For her.

Only for her.

She was his everything.

_"Remus. I don't know if we will make it through the night."_

_It had been a dark and fearful night, the two sides going head to head. Green light flashing in all directions. It was uncertain who would win that night, and members of the Order were falling in all directions._

_"You're a good man, Remus." She smiled. Through all the dirt and grime covering her, she was beautiful as he really saw her for the first time. "You have to know-" She raised her wand and stunned a Death Eater that had been coming up behind him, and then turned her attention back to him. "You have to know that I love you."_

_She kissed him. Time seemed to freeze around them. And when she pulled away, she ran off into the fight, dodging spells and firing her own._

He smiled. Remus had figured that it was a moment of death admission that as soon as their lives were out of danger she would claim it never happened.

How wrong he had been.

Someone could love the monster after all.

It had given him hope. A reason to keep fighting. A reason to live.

And with that admission of love, he realized how many people cared about him. Dumbledore, who had offered him work when no one else would; Harry, who fought for the memory of his parents; the Weasleys, who were so close that nothing could tear them apart; and so many more that he couldn't even begin to list them off.

He pulled the woman in his bed closer to him and kissed her neck, careful not to wake her. _Life is good. Got a beautiful woman in my bed whom I love, good friends, and a comfy bed under a blanket of stars for tomorrow. Couldn't ask for more._

Sleep soon overtook him, but this time with more pleasant dreams.

* * *

A/N: I shall leave his wife up to the reader. I do so hope that you enjoyed reading this. It was fun to write. But now it is complete and I shall be moving onto another project. Please review and let me know what you thought, whether it was good, bad, or indifferent. ~*~ Mynthia~*~


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